Oh We Men! Where Art Thou ?

You don’t need to be a Woman to understand your Mother’s fear, your Wife’s struggles or your Sister’s pleas. The story of Woman’s India is an integral part of every Indian Man. Unfortunately,for centuries,the Indian Man has ignored and denied the realities of a Woman’s India. If he acknowledges those realities, then his conscious mind and heart would have to change behaviors. Change Habits. Take Action. Take responsibility for the heinous crimes that his fellow Indian goes through every day.

It’s easier to blame the Woman for the violence inflicted upon her. My Dad used to slap my Mom and justify it by yelling that,”If only she wouldn’t talk back!”. How dare a Woman talk back to her Husband ? Question his actions ? Not worship him as the ultimate He-Man? She brought upon that slap on her by herself for her intransigent behavior. It wasn’t his fault.I am sure my Granddad behaved the same way with my GrandMom.Some behavioral cycles are perpetuated for generations. My family is no different than million others in India. A Woman is supposed to cook, satisfy her Husband sexually whenever he prefers and take care of the kids. It’s a “shared” responsibility where the Husband takes care of things outside the House while the Woman is the unpaid,slave in-charge of all household duties and Kids. When the economics demanded she work, she just had additional tasks assigned to her. Why should he participate in Womanly duties of cooking, taking care of the kids or cleaning ?

This is Woman’s India where 52% of them still think it’s justifiable for a Man to beat his Wife according to TrustLaw Poll,2010. Based on 2011 Census, we have 586.5 Million women. So, 50% would be approximately 300 million women who believe it is absolutely justifiable for a Man to beat his Wife because he is in bad mood or because she was wrong in talking back or expressing her opinion. I am so glad my Mom wasn’t one among them even though that’s not the end of her story. She was lucky to escape my abusive Dad but had to endure other vultures on the street and at workplace along with million other Indian Women.  Dealing with the Jungle outside the four walls for an Indian Woman is a one-day cricket match played daily where all sorts of beamers are thrown at your face. If a Woman gets teased by a Man, guess how the Indian Man and the supposed “survivor” generation of submissive Women blame it on ? You guessed it.  It’s you-The Woman who dared to go to work. You must have glanced at the “Broken tooth-ed Salman Khan” look-alike and invited him over to tease.Or is it the way you walked or smiled or the seductive,vicious dress you wore ?

You need to be blamed for inviting the cat calls and whistles subconsciously because the Indian Woman is sexually repressed and constantly seeking a Man to fulfill her. In fact, she loves to be raped.The Indian Men who rape don’t need Todd Akin to spread the message of Woman’s body automatically shutting down if she doesn’t want to be raped. They know SHE wants it especially when she sees more than two or three Men forcing her down.

The Woman’s India also has to endure the indecent advances in any crowded place. In fact, other Indian Men love to watch it when few bad Men molest a Women in public. They don’t mind taking pictures and videos for posterity but to get involved or intervene is a sin for the “Good” Indian Men. Just ask all the good Men watching a live road show in Guwahati.The Woman being molested was working in a bar. Of course she must be a prostitute and she probably deserved her treatment. Why bother saving her from this public rape?

Just when you run to conclusion that it’s the Media’s fault that they sensationalize these crimes against Woman because it helps them get viewership, let’s talk some numbers from an organization that does these kind of stats for a living. The TrustLaw organization enables Women in every country to seek legal help in resolving their issues. According to their scientific polls, there is an estimated 100 Million women and girls involved in Sex trafficking in India. That leaves 485 “Good” virgin women for those Indian Men who can count and advertise such in Newspapers for brides, especially when 44.5% get married before turning 18. Among the G20 nations, we came in first,in reverse order,in treatment of women. Some well-made info graphics for the curious minded.

This Great ancient 5000 year old civilization, first in Medicine and inventor of Zero,country has 50 million women “missing” aka “killed before birth” once their loving parents did an ultrasound test and found out their new baby is going to be a girl. Of course to make 50 million girls missing, you need “good” doctors, nurses, Husbands and wonderful Mother-in-laws and Father-in-laws. Sometimes, “good” policeman and women are needed too to orchestrate this glorious tradition of having a “Boy” in the family.

To be clear, India is ranked and perceived as one of the most Dangerous places for Women to live. Yes. Dangerous. Worser than all the gulf countries and most of the African countries with warlords and internal civil war.

For the truly patriotic ones, we beat not only Pakistan,ranked 3rd but also Afghanistan and Congo, ranked 1st and 2nd. India came fourth but still an Indian Woman is worser off than a Somalian Woman!

Just when you think a Woman’s India is bad only in rural,illiterate areas, we get the sexual vultures at the most sacred place of them all- Indian Army and Indian Air-force with their share of sexual harassment and Rape allegations. An organization is only as good as the “Men” who work in them. When a woman officer complained about sexual harassment by superior officers, she was humiliated and court martial-ed before finally killing herself.

Obviously there were multiple stories in the media including how the Indian Army used Rape as a weapon in Assam and Mizoram. I do not know the truth about both the stories but the skepticism remains as I have heard these stories since childhood from Indo-Bangladesh War to Indo-SriLankan wars against the LTTE.

This constant denial, inaction,injustice and inhuman treatment of Indian Women for centuries till date is a national shame.Even after every survey that shows millions of women traded into sex slavery, married against their will, domestic abuse, Sexually harassed, consistently paid low for the same job- millions of Men & Women claim that a Woman’s India is glorious. Prosperous. Safe. All these statistics and incidents are sensationalized by Media.

We can never become a true civilized nation until we keep blinding ourselves by the temporary wealth and Bollywood escapism. It’s time for all of us to remove the veil and accept our Country for what it is. A Male chauvinistic, patriarchal society who treat their women with contempt with poor social, cultural, Judicial, political, Law & Order enforcement system that hasn’t addressed these issues head-on with sense of urgency.

We have reached a critical point where every Man and Woman needs to address each layer of this issue systematically, methodically with steadfast perseverance.This is not a 100 meters sprint but a 5,10, 20years marathon. It has a cultural root cause,social root cause,Entertainment/Media contribution, Freedom of speech, Liberty, Humanitarian causes.It is not just the lawmakers or law-implementors issue but a collective,every citizen’s Nationalistic cause.

It is easy to get angry. Easy to blame the inept, incompetent government which we elected. It’s easy to blame the male chauvinistic,illiterate masses but this is a Human issue of dignity and self-respect to millions of fellow Indian’s Mothers, sisters and wives.

Let us turn the anger to solutions. Let us stop the injustices just around us. In our families. With our daughters. Sisters. Cousins. When you see a girl being abused,physically or mentally, actively or passively, take a stand for her. Don’t be guided by fear of what may happen. Don’t be guided by indifference.

Here are the three actionable behaviors you can do right now:

1) Don’t talk to your Mother/Sister/Daughter/co-worker/friend in gender biased language.

Any idea framed in the context of “Women vs Men” propagates stereotypes of Indian Woman.

2) Stop generalizing Women.

When you hear a story with Woman of less character, don’t extrapolate it to every women in India. When you read about some porn story in some sleazy website, don’t extrapolate that to every housewife in India wanting extramarital sex with Taxi driver. In essence,broaden your perspective and stop judging in generalizations.

3) Get Involved.

We need solutions. In Heath. Law&Order. Human Resource Reforms aka Stronger/stricter implementation of work place harassment. Freedom of Speech. Caste&Religious Practices reform especially those related to Women. Ideas to reduce Domestic Violence. Application of Technology and process improvements in prevention of above violent acts. Strengthening social redressal systems for reporting crimes and helping victims. Get Involved in Anything. Everything. As long as you are an active part of solution makers than angry complainers.

Every crisis, every tragedy,is an opportunity for a generation to wake up and do something about it so that we leave a country, civilization, better for the next set of sons and daughters who will have to live here.

Let’s make this our generation’s call to action, not for a Man’s India or a Woman’s India but an India where all men are created equal and live equally to grow in a safe, joyous, prosperous country!

RIP Damani! May your tragedy awaken a nation’s soul!